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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has long been the comfort zone of your Daily, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and milestones, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame playing for City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college to access the restrooms during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking through the school like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area right after the game, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way over the past twenty-five years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

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Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|